Flannery Flailings
Flannery Flailings




It's too dark to read inside a dog, but you can try:

I didn't do it!
so tell her
and let me get my rest.

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Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Hey losers,
fight over walking me!

Flailed by Flan 10:49 AM
After my petulance (hah!) yesterday morning, the girl told me that if I really wanted to be closer that I could start doing her laundry. Evidently, there's no better way to bond than to wash someone else's skivvies. She said she'd even make a frilly little apron for me to wear as I ironed as well.

I decided that we were close enough. So we spent the day in Tennessee instead and we hiked a mountain! It was great fun.

In other news, the onion posted this insightful article:
"Catholic Child Told About Doggy Heaven, Doggy Hell
NORTHAMPTON, MA—Three days after burying his beloved labrador retriever, Daniel MacNeil, 9, was told about doggy heaven and hell by his fourth-grade teacher, Sister Doris Behnke. "Don't cry, Daniel. I'm sure Shiner was a very good doggy," Behnke told the mourning child Tuesday. "He's probably in Doggy Heaven right now, running through its big green fields and chasing squirrels. Only disobedient doggies who chew on the furniture or lift their legs on the carpet will burn in the eternal, white-hot kennel fires of Doggy Hell."

I've never chewed on furniture (licked it - perhaps) and I'm a girl so I'm not a leg lift so - whoot! I can't wait until I die!

Flailed by Flan 7:28 AM
Monday, April 28, 2003
The girl told me her she needed her space!

*sobs*

Oh, sure it was just as she was closing the bathroom door as she didn't want me in there (as I have the tendency to want to follow her everywhere) but what's next? Seperate beds?!

Time to curl in a ball and whimper now.

Flailed by Flan 9:26 AM
Friday, April 25, 2003
I made a whimpering noise as I was looking at the old man chomp down steak. He glared and threatened to make me a hush puppy.

*gulps*

Flailed by Flan 5:40 PM
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
After over a month of being neglected and having my daily routine upset by no visits to the bookstore because I've been abandoned at the house, I've finally been promised that things will return to their regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. Thank the hokey! It hasn't been so bad or it doesn't seem like it now that I know it's finally ending. I'm patient. I'm long suffering. I'm going to bite the girl's ankles like they've never been bitten before as soon as she lets her guard down.

Today I'd like to send out birthday greetings to the ever adorable Ann Marie - my favorite girl who I've never met (though opinion is subject to change if you ever cut your fingernails, dear). We sent her out a present and a card with a book order and some advance readers copies in a package so large that it threatens to break the mailman's back - which is my only joy since I can't ever harass postal workers myself.

Happy Birthday Miss Ann Marie!

Flailed by Flan 11:01 AM
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Overheard:
The girl: I've taught Flannery how to do the hokey pokey which means that while i sing the song I taunt her with a piece of bread so that she moves in and out - shakes it all about and then turns in a circle. It's been met with acclaimed reviews.
The boy who I'm suspicious that she likes more than she likes me: You should take it on the road. You may become a star! .... Or you may languish in Flan's shadow and end up insane and jealous like Baby Jane.

Now, that would be a proper punishment for her!


Flailed by Flan 8:51 PM
I knew that at some point my weakness for cheese would get me into trouble. Now the girl is exploiting my weakness to entertain others by having me do the Hokey Pokey. She even talked about taking the show on the road.

I think PETA needs to be called!

Flailed by Flan 12:09 PM
Saturday, April 12, 2003
I have competition.

I normally wouldn't consider a cat - especially an ugly calico tom - competition. However, this one deems persistent and even has a literary name (Galsworthy). It stands outside of the door mewing (as if that is somehow suppose to charm us. The fetid feline.) and when the girl goes to let me out there he is as if to take my place. At first, I refused to go when I saw that furry frying pan of a face leering at my spot but now I give him a good run for his money as I chase him off. If my paws don't get him my ears flapping madly like propellers will!

He also likes to hop up on window ledges.. even the girl's bedroom one which being on the second floor with no trees about makes him quite the show off. He peers in the window staring while mewing all the while. Stop it with the mewing already!

In other news, the bookstore is dead today. The girl is contemplating me going out on the sidewalk with a sandwich board (mini-sized) which reads, "Come in! I need someone to sniff!" Perhaps adding a little dance number to it. Please, please, please - someone come in and save me from this fate.

Flailed by Flan 8:41 AM
Friday, April 04, 2003
This week I've been abandoned as the girl can't take me to work when she works someplace "proper" rather than the bookstore. It's been sad and lonely - or at least that's how I act when she returns so she'll spoil me more to try and replace her guilt.

Just between us, I've made a new friend. She's a cocker spaniel too and her name is Missy. She's fat and I run circles around her while she stares at me passively and then yawns before flopping down on her belly again. With all of my running around, I've gotten a few cockerburrels in my fur which will be cut out tomorrow. I like having nice snag free fur just as much as the next dog, but the thought of the girl near me with sharp scissors is enough to make anyone want to become mangy. When she noticed them today, I scratched her face. She yelped me and called me a "jackal".

She scratches me all the time and I just roll over for more. I don't understand these humans.

Flailed by Flan 8:17 PM