She finished grooming me today. I look like a shaved weasel.

Woe is me.

Flailed by Flan 7:16 PM

Questions Of The Day:
Can we start taking up a collection of some sort please?
Shoud I be punished because the girl is cheap?

Yesterday evening, she decided to groom me herself instead of taking me to a professional -- or at the very least a girl named Suzanne whose own hair at least gives me the assurance that I won't walk away bald. I could use a large shield of bangs to keep away the predators and old ladies with halitosis and prunish fingers who want to maul me while petting me.

I mean the girl has arthritis. The last thing in the world I want is her with her shaky hands holding an electric razor on my entire body (humans can get away with just having to trust other people to cut the hair on their head). She's not exactly competent. We both lost patience with each other and she stopped halfway through to continue later today. Which means I'm now looking oh so cute with the top half short and the bottom half all curly.

Plus, I hate it when that wench tries to get near my ears with that loud electronic beast.

Flailed by Flan 11:02 AM

Dun Dadunal Dun Dadun Dadunah

Bat Dog!

Flailed by Flan 2:17 PM

When Laura's Mom says, "Back dog" - I always hear it as "Bat dog" which has given me ideas. Lately, with G in the car, I've been sitting with my hind legs in his laps as I stick my head (in a lady like manner, of course) out the window. Oh the freedom! The air! If I were to stick my entire body out of the window would I fly?

Today, I tested this question as I tried to make a break for it. Oh yes. I lulled my new English tummy scratcher into a false sense of security with my cuteness. Then as both he and Laura were mollified while docilely listening to Camera Obscura as Laura zipped around another curve over Caesar's Head, I LEAPED out the window! It was a daring escape full of pep and panache. It was excellent, invigorating, dazzling - until Gravity kicked in. Why do they not teach basic laws of physics in obedience school? I need to know these things.

My leash was still on and it had caught in the car. I heard Laura scream as she envisioned me swinging like a pendulum back and forth as I YELPED LIKE A PHREAKING BANSHEE!

By the time the collar had mercifully slipped over my head to free me Laura had slowed down to an almost complete stop. I yelped some more (for good measure) and by the time G went to rescue me I had darted across the road and was considering bounding down the mountain. If I hadn't been so dazed, I might have. Instead, I let him pick me up and hand me to a hyperventilating crying Laura (big baby) where I then curled up and refused to act like my normal self until we got off the mountain.

Flailed by Flan 1:40 PM

Laura got me a new belly scratcher for summer! He's english, has workable fingers, and he is overwhelmed by my cuteness. If he carried doggie treats in his pockets more, he'd be perfect.

Flailed by Flan 12:24 PM

Laura invited whole hordes of people to coo over and pet me! Wow!

She ain't so bad afterall.

Flailed by Flan 1:40 PM

The girl acts as if I gleefully got sick in the store today and caused a mess. I wasn't having fun, ya know. It just happened - I blame the food her mom snuck me last night.

At least, when I get sick I do it in front of the Nicholas Sparks books. Goes well with the surroundings, I say.

Flailed by Flan 7:37 PM

The girl now places food up on a shelf and giggles inanely as I scrunch around like a groundhog trying to sniff it out. I'm glad one of us is amused by the torrents of abuse I must suffer.

Flailed by Flan 9:58 PM

From The Belle & Sebastian site of Top Tens...

Top 10 Stupid Things My Black Lab Has Done During Her First Eleven Years
(David Scott from I don't know where)

1. Wedged herself under my bed, snagging her collar on a spring.
2. Eaten then regurgitated a Barbie doll's panties.
3. Dragged her toenails across friends' copies of Tammy Wynette's first album and Ronald Firbank's collected short stories.
4. Eaten the jewel case of my Richard & Linda Thompson "Sunnyvista" CD, cutting her mouth in the process.
5. Relieved herself on my 12" of EMF's "Unbelievable."
6. Knocked my car out of gear, causing it to roll into the middle of a busy Long Island Expressway.
7. Jumped up on Robert DeNiro.
8. Eaten an entire bag of unattended Halloween candy, the resulting sugar buzz causing her to run for three solid hours.
9. Run into a neighbor's house as the automatic garage door came to a close.
10. Leapt through the drive-up window of a fast food burger joint and run helter-skelter through the kitchen.

I am getting so many ideas from this.. especially that last one. And now I can't wait until Halloween!

Flailed by Flan 11:25 PM