Recently, I got a new retractable leash which is pretty awesome. Sometimes the girl tries to wrangle me in when I want to stay further out and the leash gets stuck in the grill of a car. She tries to hastily untangle it, but I just stand there and growl at the car. That's my way of saying to the cars, "If you tangle with the Flan then she will MESS. YOU. UP! That's just how I roll, suckahs!"

Flailed by Flan 7:55 AM

Flailed by Flan 9:21 PM

I saw the girl looking at this picture. If she buys such a purse for me, I'm disowning her and perhaps nipping her harshly as I go.

What has this world come to?

Flailed by Flan 3:50 PM

The Girl: We should get a hibatchi grill to cook the steaks on.
The Boy: Yeah. Of course if we do, then Flannery and Kiki will eat them, go run off to the pasture, and roll around in the manure.
The Girl: It will be the happiest day of their lives.
The Boy: And their last.

I'm allowed no fun these days.

Flailed by Flan 8:36 AM

Have I blogged about my best bosom buddy, Kiki, yet? Kiki is the bug-eyed (in a charming way) small black puppy who lives next door. He doesn't walk as much as he bounds like pepe la pew. I'm always scooting away from him because he is always all up in my bizness.

A girl needs her space, please.

However, recently he's backed off a little and we've been going on the most fun outings. Ones including wandering off into perfumed pastures perfect for romping. Obviously, the girl is VERY jealous of my new friend because whenever I return she gets all huffy and forces me to bathe. Can you imagine? How rude! I don't make her bathe whenever she interacts with someone else, and believe you me some of the people she deals with make me want to shed all my fur!

Flailed by Flan 9:18 AM

This morning I was so excited as I hopped in the car along with the girl and the boy. We stopped some place unfamiliar and I got to go in. Wahoo! And then I heard HIM.

The man who usually leaves me standing in puddles.

I immediately tried to go right back out the door, but the girl grabbed me. She can't ever use her foul limbs to fry me up some bacon but she's all ready to drag me back inside. Since she could no longer be trusted I tried to hide behind the boy, but he is also a traitor. In the end HE picked me up and put me in a cage as the boy and girl waved goodbye and left me.

I turn 5 on Monday, and this weekend we are taking a trip to southern Georgia to see the boy's family. They love me! They'd still love me if I were a furry mess! But the girl thinks I should look pretty for my birthday. Of course, she also thinks she should make me a bone birthday cake that I wouldn't even be able to make so obviously her opinions shouldn't be trusted.

Flailed by Flan 9:11 AM

The girl and boy (double deserted! which isn't anything like double desserts) have been back less than a day and they bought me a present. But it wasn't a fun present. In fact, I have the same look on my face at this gift as the girl has when I leave her a furry slightly chewed sign of my appreciation at her feet. Except I can't scrunch my nose like that little weasel can.

It's a collar and receiver set which will keep me away from that delicious delicious cat food. It's a very bad unwanted thing. I shall demand they return it. Or at least try and chew my way out of it.

Wish me luck.

Flailed by Flan 7:05 AM

Happy Halloween, Suckahs!

[Note: This image was blatantly stolen from Gothamist]

Flailed by Flan 10:01 AM